A Rotten World

A while back Becca sent me a link to an article that said the FDA, in their infinite wisdom, decided to outlaw drying cheese on wooden planks.  Apparently a practice that has been the foundation of cheese culture since the dawn of man is now a threat and deemed dangerous to human consumption.  Dangerous........what does that word even mean, at least in the world of food?  If the mainstream culture knew how much of their world of taste depended on rot, mold, and decay, they most likely would swear every bit of it off for a nice grazing pasture and a trough of green in Wyoming......a non GMO, gluten free, antibiotic free, soy free, peanut free, MSGless, cage free green pasture I mean.  My bad.
David Chang hosted an amazing episode of Mind of A Chef dedicated to the subject of rot and I have no intentions on plagiarizing his genius but honestly, every and yes I mean every night, I sit on the floor and open the door to my wine chiller and just marvel at this glorious, molding leg of pig and count the mold blossoms and spin it this way and that in complete reverence.
Age is good, cure is good, mold is good, and yes rot, rot is good.  I remember touring the caves at Roth Kase in Wisconsin and coming up upon the Gruyere rooms.  They were intense.  Gruyere produces ammonia during aging.  Even walking past the doors of the aging rooms was an eye burning, nose bleed, throat melting choke.  I was saddened and angered by the people in my group who over reacted with immature disgust gagging, giggling, and overall douchery where every sensory blast I received was a revelation.  I was in love.  I went as far in as I was allowed, snapped as many pictures as I could, filed away every last memory I could muster.  It was incredible.  Yes, it was intense.  I could not imagine working in that environment everyday.  But it captured a timelessness, a tradition, a history, and sharing in something very very old and very very dear to the soul of humanity.
Feed the body, nourish the soul is what they say.  This is exactly what foods like this do.  It is their soul intent, they are an edible compass  They connect us to thousands of years and millions of lives of our history, and if you really try, I think you can taste it.  A simple piece of cheese transporting you through time or space or maybe both, to a much older place.  A hill top in Burgundy where even the air breaths richer, the light fuller and deeper.  A place where life is timeless and a great meal is infinite and full of peace.
The next time you are shopping, reach for some cheese, or bread, or a salami, or bacon, or an olive, or a pickle, or kraut, or kimchi, or that hip new Greek yogurt and stop for a second.  For what you eat is essentially rot, and rot is fucking delicious.      

A Matter of Gnat

I was so hell bent on getting this blog up off the ground and started so I opted for food porn.  It's quick, easy, but no heart and no balls. Mmmmmmm hearty balls.  I think it's time I elaborate 

In the beginning, I would check on the little guy every night.  As time went on, I forgot a night or two.  Last night, after a couple days at rest I opened up the chiller and looked inside and passively sighed an "oh fuck" moment.  A small swarm of fruit flies scattered this way and that around the small LED lights in the top.  I had seen one a few days before.  In the beginning, Omar (I'm naming the prosciutto Omar I just decided....long live the best show on TV ever).  Well Omar had the entire spare bedroom to himself.  But after a few weeks the must began to creep out of the chiller and into the room.  We had guests coming so Omar had to be relocated into the dining room next to the record player/bar table hutch thing.  That was when the 1st fly appeared.  Not a fly but a gnatie looking thing.  I shooed it out and closed the chiller back up and thought nothing more of it.  Well, I guess he went back to the nearest gnat bar and rounded up all his drunk asshole gnat frat buddies

I will go into some detail on all of the steps of the cure I put upon Omar from the beginning until now but the last event to date was a wash in cab and salt then a dust of paprika and Korean chili to discourage pests.  It didn't work I guess.  A snowlike mold took over, which was totally ok but I could not see that these little assholes had moved in.  They came in plenty and they didn't even have enough class to bring roofies

So, it's 12:03am on a school night and I sit and stare at the gnatty madness pondering the next step.  Do I just say fuck it and toss Omar in the trash?  How many and how far have these little bastards gotten into the leg?  Can I fix this?  I think living overseas opened my eyes to some things.  One of which that stink isn't bad.  Mold is good.  Sometimes the outside looks awful but the inside is a dream.  Can I salvage Omar?  I grabbed a knife and started cutting into him to access the damage.  And I saw beauty.  Time to go to work

So I made a bath of heavily heavily fortified Himalayan pink salt (not for any particular reason, I had a lot of it, it's not my jam, way too minerally, like licking a penny's butthole), then instinct kicked in.  I love instinct.  I think cooking to a large degree is incredibly instinctual.  Thousands of years of human experience floating around the cosmos for us to absorb if we are willing to accept it but that topic is for another day, same with stink and mold.  Anyways, so instinct said penny butt salt water and a healthy dose of Chianti vinegar and balsamic.  A 30 minute bath, a really good exfoliation of all of Omar's new billowy snow mold........and then a recent conversation led me to the promised land.........smoke.  Mesquite smoke at 245F to get it billowing, then smoker shut off, Omar went in, and he went Irie Irie fa da next tirty minutes mon

You can see how drastically the light brush with heat and smoke affected the leg.  I am thinking of in the next few days, using my now 7 weeks of experience and starting anew.  We shall see.  We shall see if the little dick toad gnat bastards come back.  I cheese clothed the fan vents on the back.  I Ortho-ed the back wall, the floor.  I refuse to lose this battle

Anyways, here is how all this started.

Day 1:  Kosher salt, a fresh leg.  I just used one from Publix.  I don't have access to a local farm or Berkshire nor would I waste that kind of beautiful meat on something that I may fuck up and eventually throw out.  Not yet

Pack in kosher salt.  Pack it good.  Let it sit for an hour on a sheet pan in all the salt.  Place it on a wire rack of some sort at an angle to drain and let it sit overnight somewhere dark and as cool as possible.  Like 55F-65F is ideal I think but I live in Florida and that is fucking impossible.  Next day, apply like 10lb maybe 15lb depending on it's size.  I did a Creuset pot with a 5lb weight wrapped in a trash bag and just lay it on top .  Let it sit another day.  Then brine time.  I did 1C each salt and raw sugar per gallon until you cover, then 3 tsp pink salt, garlic, bay leaves, rosemary, thyme, peppercorns, allspice, cloves, and juniper.   Heavy juniper.  Besides, you are most likely gonna go out and buy a 1/4oz of juniper from Penzys or wherever cause who honestly has juniper in the pantry and what the fuck else are you going to do with it?  So add a few too many.  Yes indeed, it is very overpoweringly strong but fuck it.  Omar is going to sit for a YEAR.  He can take some strong love.  Oh, make sure you take some salt/sugar brine and boil with all herbs, spice etc before adding.   Next sprinkle the rest of the Juniper out in the yard and maybe a deer will come eat em and then you can jump outta the bushes and judo chop him in the throat and eat that shit too. 

I let Omar go five days in the brine.  The leg was like fourteen pounds.  Adjust time in brine to weight accordingly. 

Day like 6 or 7:  I let Omar dry about a day flipping every few hours on a wire rack.  Then time to hang.

This is where YOU have to use your best judgment.  There are no basements in Florida, I have no cellar, I have no ocean breeze.  Shit, I don't have any room under 78F unless AC is running 24/7.  Humidity is important to control.  I think a room or cubicle or any space 55-75F with some constant air circulation will do.  I am using an old wine chiller.  Maybe I am wrong.  I won't know for a year.
That is where I am at. 

Live slow, eat well....

A Year of A Leg

Welcome.  Plenty of time to run my goddamn mouth.  Let's start with the goods. 
My 5th child through photos.  Live slow, eat well....