In the beginning, I would check on the little guy every night. As time went on, I forgot a night or two. Last night, after a couple days at rest I opened up the chiller and looked inside and passively sighed an "oh fuck" moment. A small swarm of fruit flies scattered this way and that around the small LED lights in the top. I had seen one a few days before. In the beginning, Omar (I'm naming the prosciutto Omar I just decided....long live the best show on TV ever). Well Omar had the entire spare bedroom to himself. But after a few weeks the must began to creep out of the chiller and into the room. We had guests coming so Omar had to be relocated into the dining room next to the record player/bar table hutch thing. That was when the 1st fly appeared. Not a fly but a gnatie looking thing. I shooed it out and closed the chiller back up and thought nothing more of it. Well, I guess he went back to the nearest gnat bar and rounded up all his drunk asshole gnat frat buddies
I will go into some detail on all of the steps of the cure I put upon Omar from the beginning until now but the last event to date was a wash in cab and salt then a dust of paprika and Korean chili to discourage pests. It didn't work I guess. A snowlike mold took over, which was totally ok but I could not see that these little assholes had moved in. They came in plenty and they didn't even have enough class to bring roofies
So, it's 12:03am on a school night and I sit and stare at the gnatty madness pondering the next step. Do I just say fuck it and toss Omar in the trash? How many and how far have these little bastards gotten into the leg? Can I fix this? I think living overseas opened my eyes to some things. One of which that stink isn't bad. Mold is good. Sometimes the outside looks awful but the inside is a dream. Can I salvage Omar? I grabbed a knife and started cutting into him to access the damage. And I saw beauty. Time to go to work
So I made a bath of heavily heavily fortified Himalayan pink salt (not for any particular reason, I had a lot of it, it's not my jam, way too minerally, like licking a penny's butthole), then instinct kicked in. I love instinct. I think cooking to a large degree is incredibly instinctual. Thousands of years of human experience floating around the cosmos for us to absorb if we are willing to accept it but that topic is for another day, same with stink and mold. Anyways, so instinct said penny butt salt water and a healthy dose of Chianti vinegar and balsamic. A 30 minute bath, a really good exfoliation of all of Omar's new billowy snow mold........and then a recent conversation led me to the promised land.........smoke. Mesquite smoke at 245F to get it billowing, then smoker shut off, Omar went in, and he went Irie Irie fa da next tirty minutes mon
You can see how drastically the light brush with heat and smoke affected the leg. I am thinking of in the next few days, using my now 7 weeks of experience and starting anew. We shall see. We shall see if the little dick toad gnat bastards come back. I cheese clothed the fan vents on the back. I Ortho-ed the back wall, the floor. I refuse to lose this battle
Anyways, here is how all this started.
Day 1: Kosher salt, a fresh leg. I just used one from Publix. I don't have access to a local farm or Berkshire nor would I waste that kind of beautiful meat on something that I may fuck up and eventually throw out. Not yet
Pack in kosher salt. Pack it good. Let it sit for an hour on a sheet pan in all the salt. Place it on a wire rack of some sort at an angle to drain and let it sit overnight somewhere dark and as cool as possible. Like 55F-65F is ideal I think but I live in Florida and that is fucking impossible. Next day, apply like 10lb maybe 15lb depending on it's size. I did a Creuset pot with a 5lb weight wrapped in a trash bag and just lay it on top . Let it sit another day. Then brine time. I did 1C each salt and raw sugar per gallon until you cover, then 3 tsp pink salt, garlic, bay leaves, rosemary, thyme, peppercorns, allspice, cloves, and juniper. Heavy juniper. Besides, you are most likely gonna go out and buy a 1/4oz of juniper from Penzys or wherever cause who honestly has juniper in the pantry and what the fuck else are you going to do with it? So add a few too many. Yes indeed, it is very overpoweringly strong but fuck it. Omar is going to sit for a YEAR. He can take some strong love. Oh, make sure you take some salt/sugar brine and boil with all herbs, spice etc before adding. Next sprinkle the rest of the Juniper out in the yard and maybe a deer will come eat em and then you can jump outta the bushes and judo chop him in the throat and eat that shit too.
I let Omar go five days in the brine. The leg was like fourteen pounds. Adjust time in brine to weight accordingly.
Day like 6 or 7: I let Omar dry about a day flipping every few hours on a wire rack. Then time to hang.
This is where YOU have to use your best judgment. There are no basements in Florida, I have no cellar, I have no ocean breeze. Shit, I don't have any room under 78F unless AC is running 24/7. Humidity is important to control. I think a room or cubicle or any space 55-75F with some constant air circulation will do. I am using an old wine chiller. Maybe I am wrong. I won't know for a year.
That is where I am at.
Live slow, eat well....
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